Since this is for the men, I think I can get straight to the point:
YOUR WOMAN IS NOT A PORN STAR!!!
In conversation about part 1 of this post, a friend of mine asked, “So why can’t I expect my wife to be like a porn star and swing from the chandelier and stand on top of her head for me? If the woman in the video can do it so can she!” My reply was quite simple, “If that’s the case then your wife can expect you to be the charming, sensitive, affectionate, attentive, strong, successful good looking guy she sees in romance movies.” He said, “Well that’s not real!” I said, “Neither is porn.”
Unrealistic expectations can cause major issues in relationships, especially where bedroom matters are concerned, and in many cases it’s the man that does a lot of the complaining in this area. Most men want their wife to be Betty Crocker in the kitchen, Martha Stewart in the home, Mother Theresa with the kids, look like Michelle Obama, have a career like Condoleezza Rice, then still be Beyonce in the bedroom. While there are some well-rounded wives who DO know how to achieve this on a regular basis, most of us don’t have this super Chaka Khan ability to be every woman. Despite everything the female race can and has achieved, we are still human, and that includes the woman in the porn flicks too! It’s her job to entertain her subscribers, but when the camera turns off, she becomes a regular woman just like your wife, and regular women get tired, stressed, depressed, and tossed around by life like everyone else. When this happens, usually one of the first things to be affected is our libido, and when our men disregard these factors and pile on the pressure to have a “porn-star-worthy” performance, it can make us retreat even further.
The art of seducing a woman can never be complete without knowing how to make her feel relaxed and comfortable. Your wife is not a “Lady of the Night” who is obligated to be up and ready at the drop of a dime because you are paying her to do so. She is the woman you have chosen to share your life with, to be the mother of your children, to love and cherish for better or worse, and with that comes many challenges. When you are building a REAL life with a REAL woman, it can be the most exciting ride of your life when you recognize that she is not perfect, and that it takes a little more effort on your part to showcase her beauty and potential amidst her imperfections. When it comes to sex, women are not wired the way men are. As cliche as it sounds, she needs more than sex to truly be satisfied by you. Move beyond her body and caress her mind and spirit with loving words and affection that sooth her soul. Tell her she’s beautiful when she thinks she looks like a total mess. Let her know how strong she is when she’s feeling defeated, and that you will always be her rock to lean on. Make a big deal out of the little things. Over emphasize how good dinner was and when she’s washing dishes afterwards, sneak up from behind, smell her neck and tell her how wonderful she smells!
What do these things have to do with sex? For a woman, they are directly related. A man doesn’t know how to successfully seduce his woman until he knows how to make her forget her fears and inhibitions and feel comfortable and confident. As insignificant as those little actions sound, you are showing her that no matter what happens, in and outside the bedroom, you will always love and cherish her. It removes the stress caused by pressure to perform, and replaces it with confidence and trust in you, which in turn makes her more confident and trusting in herself, and THAT means she might be more willing to take a risk and try some new things with you.
I don’t need to explain what a confident woman is like in bed do I?