Kinky Partners

Posted by Anishka Culmer on



Here he comes again pushing the idea of getting frisky on the balcony. Or there she goes again trying to blindfold and cuff you to the bed post. These ideas might sound exciting to many, but to you, it’s just too much. What do you do when you have a partner that is a little too kinky for your taste???

This is a tricky topic because people’s idea of what is kinky can vary greatly from person to person. In any event, when a couple seems to be on opposite ends of the spectrum, it can create a problem. Option 1 might be for the less kinky partner to suck it up and meet the demands of the “freaky” partner. Option 2 might be for the “freaky” partner to give up their fantasies and accept what we call “vanilla” sex. The problem with these options is that they both yield an unsatisfied spouse. With Option 1, you might also have a very frustrated spouse who will probably begin to see sex as a chore, and might eventually shut down completely. Both options also leave the door wide open for an illicit affair. THEN you’ll have a cheating partner on your hands.

How about Option 3, which is the GOLDEN key when it comes to marriage: Compromise. Try to meet somewhere in the middle. It starts with communicating and being sensitive and open to the needs of each other.

Here’s my suggestion: THE FANTASY BOX
Both of you write down your fantasies on little squares of paper. Fold them and put them in a cute little box that only you two have access to. When you’re ready to get it on, pick something out of the box and that would be the fantasy you work on that night. As different fantasies come to you, just add them to the box and shuffle before you choose.

For the “kinky” partner: The true essence of lovemaking cannot be achieved when one partner is uncomfortable and not enjoying the experience. You should know the signs of when he/she is uncomfortable. If not, LEARN THEM. When you notice them, ease up or stop what you’re doing. Sometimes the answer is simply NO. You have to be prepared to accept that from time to time. If you want them to meet your needs you have to be respectful of their boundaries. Show them that you are just as concerned about their pleasure as you are about yours. If done correctly with both partners in mind, romantic “vanilla” sex can be just as satisfying. Think candles, rose petals, soft music, massage oils, hotel suites, etc. Focus on sexually satisfying techniques and tricks that drive his/her body wild without the use of props. Your goal is to make sure that when it’s all over, your partner is sleepily smiling from ear to ear, exhausted from pleasure overload.

For the “vanilla” partner: it’s time to take it up a notch and step out of your comfort zone every so often for your man/woman. Delve into their world of fantasy, and don’t be too afraid to try new things. You might actually enjoy it. Consider sex in other places besides the bedroom. Use kinky props and toys or try a costume or two. Take full control of the evening. Your goal is to show him/her that YOU want to be the one fulfilling their fantasies and that you are willing to do what it takes to the best of your ability. You must also be honest when something is too much of a stretch for you. Talk about it and be open to negotiating instead of shutting your partner out completely, and whatever you do, try your best to NOT turn up your nose or express that something is stupid or disgusting. This might make him/her feel ashamed and not open up to you in the future.

All in all, there must be a balance so that both spouses have a chance to feel satisfied and fulfilled. GIVE IT A SHOT!

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